I just found out I'm around 7 weeks preg by my husband who I don't really want to be with. We been living apart for almost 5 months now. Trust me when I tell you I was shocked. For 3 years nothing happened and I have health issues. So considering the situation I am in.. I don't think it'd be wise to keep the baby. I do imgine me wanting to get back with him and bringing up the baby 2gether but that was I wanted back then when he did'nt screw me over. I told him about it and he cried telling me I need to think about it etc (he wants me to keep it). Anyways, I still wake up thinking it's all a dream. The guy I'm seeing knows about it and he said it's my choice and will stand by me whatever I choose to do. He said if you choose to keep it, we could raise it together but my fear is that you'll go back to him. Then he says that he will accept me for me b/c he has 2 litle girls himself and hopes I will accept them one day. We've only known eachother for over a month so who knows what to happen. I think it's best for me to go ahead with the abortion and just go back to school, and start over. I can not even support myself let alone a baby. I live with my parents. I just want to know if anyone here has been through this and what they're thoughts are. Having an abortion is not an easy subject to talk about and I am fully aware of it.

Thanks.

My heart goes out for you! Its not an easy decision. I haven't had any personal experience for this topic but I did have a friend who got one sophomore year of college. I don't think she had any regrets which is good since I think she made the right choice. You are lucky the men in your life are very about letting YOU make the decision which is the way it should be.

Whatever your decide, good luck!

Do whatever you feel is right. From what I can tell your situation is very complicated and it's hard for me to be in your shoes. Whatever you do, don't have the baby and then get back with your husband to raise it. I can't imagine how he'd treat/support a kid if he can't take care of you very well.

I think you've already made your decision about your husband.
He doesn't sound stable enough to have a wife, let alone a child.
If you feel like you could raise the little one on your own (or with an accepting partner in the future) then it's an option, there's also adoption if you feel strongly against abortion.

I know that this must be a crazy time for you.
(actually I know a woman in the same situation right now, her husband got both her and his mistress pregnant though).

I've had a few friends that have had to seek abortions because it was just a bad time in their life. One actually just had her first child with her new husband, and another is planning her new life with a good man right now.
So you're definitely not alone no matter what you decide.

Take advantage of the counseling services offered by the woman's clinics as you make your choice. If you are religious at all some groups offer assistance and counseling for this as well.

I know you'll do the right thing for you and your life right now.

Good luck to you sweetie,
and we're all here for you okay.

Bless.

We can't tell you what to do...just offer support. This is a huge decision and one that requires much thought. Follow what you know is best for you.

I just want to say if you do decide to get counseling be very careful where you go. Lots of religious counseling places put a forefront of being objective legitimate practices when all the do to manipulate and provide false information to women to try and get their pro-life agenda across. Its tragic that they prey on women who are already at a vulnerable and stressful time in their lives.

Allistar is totally right. Just go to a planned parenthood if you're looking for some counseling. They're helpful, knowledgable and un-judgemental.

I've had an abortion before and it's not something anyone can ever understand what you're going through. I wish you the best. Only you can make the decision for yourself and it does seem you've already made it. If you just want to talk about it, or if you have any questions about the procedure or anything after, please feel free to PM me.

<3

That is such a personal issue...I know that if it was me that I wouldn't even hesitate for one second to have an abortion because I do not and have not ever wanted to have children and I am 100% comfortable with people having abortions because I have no religious thoughts on the subject as I am not a Christian. It wouldn't bother me for one second but I do know a couple people that had abortions that have struggled with it. These were both people that weren't really comfortable with the abortion issue but got themselves into "trouble" so to speach. Only you know if you are 100% comfortable with the issue of abortion. I say if there's even one shread of doubt then don't do it!

I agree with what everyone else has said so far--this is a decision that only you can make for yourself. Whatever decision you make, it has to be because it's the right choice for you and your life, not because of what anyone else has said.

Also, I agree with Ally and ScottyBabe about being careful where you go for counseling because some places have their own agenda and will try to manipulate you. I have a friend who had one a few years ago, and she had that problem--she went to a place through her church that claimed to be open-minded and non-judgmental but in the end they just tried to manipulate her into their way of thinking. She ended up going to Planned Parenthood after that and had a much better (non-judgmental) experience.

We can't tell you what to do...just offer support.
ITA w/this. I think you need to seek help from a health care professional.

Ive been going thrugh hell, thinking wheather i should keep it or not well, I woke up 2day and decided to go ahead with the abortion. My husband and I have been talking and I even brought him with me to the doc for a ultrasound (sp) and he actually cut himself a pic of it which I wasnt happy about cuz that just make me feel really guilty. So he called a bunch of times yesterday and told me he'd be there for me no matter what I choose to do but wished I keep it and get back with him, I told him wheather I keep it or not, I never want to get back with him. So this morning i told him and what does he do, he got sarcastic with me and said wow ok great, thats nice, so I hang up on him and he text me saying "o ahead and kill our baby, it's all on you and I dont want any part of it" So I text back telling him to go to hell cuz it is hard enough to deal with all this and i am the one that has to live with this for the rest of my life and he saids that? So much for support. Thankfully, my other guy friend has been great and said he'll be here for me in every way. So now I've no idea what to do.

Oh wow, what a jerk! Like you're not going through enough as it is, he has to guilt trip you by being an emotionally manipulative asshat? Ugh.

It's good you have your guy friend there to be supportive of you. I'd say just steer clear of the ex as much as you possibly can, and make the decision that YOU know is the right one for you. Like you told him, it's you that has to deal with your decision, not him...he doesn't get a say.

Oh my goodness, that man just keeps proving to you why you DON'T want anything to do with him.

Glad you have a good friend in that other fella though.

I wish you all the best in deciding what you need to do for your life.

And yeah I'll have to agree time to start avoiding the ex there... he's making it way harder on you.

*big hugs*
Good luck hun.

Yep, try to have as little to do with your ex as possible. I know it is difficult not to feel guilty about this, but this may have been an important step to completely cut ties with your ex. Having a child to each other means he would be in your life for a long time yet. I completely understand.

At the moment his thinking is centered around his own wants and needs and placing blame on you. Maybe oneday he will wake up and realise if he hadn't done the wrong thing by you he would still have a wife, and a child too.

I think this new man sounds very decent and supportive. I hope everything works out for you.

Would you consider adoption? I just ask because you say your mind is made up, but then when you talk to your husband, then you're confused. You can't undo an abortion (I know you know this), and at least if you considered adoption, you'd have awhile to decide if you wanted to keep the baby or give it up without terminating the pregnancy. Just a thought since you seem to be so back and forth on the issue. I know it's a lot to think about. Good luck in whatever you choose.

Yeah thanks for the support ladies, Um, adoption isnt an option, I can not imgine having someone else raise my baby even though they are wonderful people out there who can not have children and want to adopt, I just dont feel comfortbale about it. If this baby did not belong to someone else's I'd probably keep it but like i said, I can not even support myself let alone a baby plus, I want my ex out of my life completely after what he told me today. So bringing this baby in to this world knowing I dont want anything to do with the father would be a selfish thing to do. being a single mum isnt easy, my guy friend even offered to help me raise it but I'm not comfortbale with that either. I'm going to go down the clinic and see if I can get all the help I need. I've always dreamed of having a baby with the person I love and want to be with. If I were with him and kept the baby then divorced him afterward then thats different but i already made up my mind about that ass and me having this baby would mean I'd be stuck with having to deal with him in my life forever.

Yeah thanks for the support ladies, Um, adoption isnt an option, I can not imgine having someone else raise my baby even though they are wonderful people out there who can not have children and want to adopt, I just dont feel comfortbale about it. If this baby did not belong to someone else's I'd probably keep it but like i said, I can not even support myself let alone a baby plus, I want my ex out of my life completely after what he told me today. So bringing this baby in to this world knowing I dont want anything to do with the father would be a selfish thing to do. being a single mum isnt easy, my guy friend even offered to help me raise it but I'm not comfortbale with that either. I'm going to go down the clinic and see if I can get all the help I need. I've always dreamed of having a baby with the person I love and want to be with. If I were with him and kept the baby then divorced him afterward then thats different but i already made up my mind about that ass and me having this baby would mean I'd be stuck with having to deal with him in my life forever.

sound like some pretty solid reasons hun.
*hugs you* take another day to think about it alone.
and just know we're all here no matter what.

Would you consider adoption? I just ask because you say your mind is made up, but then when you talk to your husband, then you're confused. You can't undo an abortion (I know you know this), and at least if you considered adoption, you'd have awhile to decide if you wanted to keep the baby or give it up without terminating the pregnancy. Just a thought since you seem to be so back and forth on the issue. I know it's a lot to think about. Good luck in whatever you choose.
ITA w/this but best of luck in whatever you choose to do.

Best of luck in whatever you decide to do-you know you'll find support here.

I can't add anything else to what has already been said, but just know that whatever you decide on, we are here for you! *hugs*

Thanks ladies, appreciate the support. I went to see the OB (sp) doc, and explained my situation, she was really helpful, told me not to decide on based who the dad is or what he'll do and so forth, it all comes down to me and wheather I'm ready to be a single mum etc. I was also told my thyriod which I've had probs with since the age of 16 is out of control which isnt helping the baby anyways, so It's not good being preg and not being healthy myself otherwise I am just doing the baby more harm than good. I still have a few more days to think about it and i know I will miss being preg, alreayd gain a couple of pounds and I find myself rubbing my belly alot :( but I think I'll do whats best for me and my situation. I am just not ready right now.

Thanks ladies, appreciate the support. I went to see the OB (sp) doc, and explained my situation, she was really helpful, told me not to decide on based who the dad is or what he'll do and so forth, it all comes down to me and wheather I'm ready to be a single mum etc. I was also told my thyriod which I've had probs with since the age of 16 is out of control which isnt helping the baby anyways, so It's not good being preg and not being healthy myself otherwise I am just doing the baby more harm than good. I still have a few more days to think about it and i know I will miss being preg, alreayd gain a couple of pounds and I find myself rubbing my belly alot :( but I think I'll do whats best for me and my situation. I am just not ready right now.

it's a tough choice hun, but it sounds like you're doing what's best.
you'll go and do well for yourself.
and when it's time to think about starting a family you'll be ready for it.

*big hugs*

Well my stupid insurance won't cover insurance, family family doesn't even help, they charge around $521 so I called around another clinic and they charge $395. Anyone here know where else I can call to find out more info on the cost of abortions? I live in CA.
Thanks!

Those prices are about average if I'm correct. There are some select Planned Parenthoods that do abortions and they tend to be less expensive than a general clinic or ob/gyn.

I 2nd ScottyBabe's rec to contact your local Planned Parenthood. They're a wealth of information, and IIRC, they base their services upon your income, whether it be for exams, BC, or any other services that they might provide.

Yeah I called around and it turns out the clinic is cheaper than the Family parenthood itself, despite the fact that I've told them I don't work and I am seperated from my husband. By the way, he called 2day and beggedme to reconsider :( , I just cried cuz I feel like I will be punished if I go through with this. I already thought about it and as much as I love children and long to be a mum myself, the timing just is'nt right and he can not see that. Agh.

Anyone that punishes you for making this choice isn't someone you need in your life anyways.

*hugs you*

The reasons you've listed here are solid.

I hope you'll be okay.
*big hugs*

I am sorry you are going through this right now. You know what's best for you but I can't help to think that maybe you are having a hard time finding a means to get a abortion because it's not meant to be? Just a thought. Not to be judgmental or anything. I hope everything will turn out for the best. (( HUGS))

Yeah, Ive thought long and hard and I've decided to have an abortions for all the reason I have given plus some more. If I were to keep it, it'd only be cuz I'd feel obligated too and I would be doing to keep my husband happy which I have been doing in the last 3 yrs, given in to everything he ask for well not this time, If I know the timing is not right, i am not ready and i want to make myself a better person and do good for myself. Then I'll be ready, comfortble and confident to bring a baby in to this world.This world is hard enough as it is so why am I gona make it more complicated when I don't have too. Thanks for the advice girls. Greatly appreciate it.

*deleted*

Yes I did go through with it and what I do is my buisness, I didn't post this to get any negative comments. For the ladies who gave me postitive advice, I thank you for your adivce and comments. It wasn't easy but I know I made the right choice.
Thank you.

Gotta love people that think they have the right to criticize others' personal choices that have no effect on them whatsoever. Ugh. :rolleyes:

Anyway, I'm glad you made the decision YOU needed to make and didn't let anyone else's opinion of it affect your choice. It takes a strong person to do that.

Yes I did go through with it and what I do is my buisness, I didn't post this to get any negative comments. For the ladies who gave me postitive advice, I thank you for your adivce and comments. It wasn't easy but I know I made the right choice.
Thank you.

I am proud of you honey.
You did right for you.
*big hugs*

and anyone that feels a need to judge you for it can come and take it up with ME. Deal?

*more huggles*

I'm with Meagan and Stefani. You did what you needed to do and now you can heal and move on with your life. This was no one else's decision but yours to make.

If you need anyone to talk to, there's a number of us that would be a shoulder to cry on and a backboard to bounce thoughts off of.

Lots of hugs, you'll be in my thoughts.

You girls are the greatest :P I wouldn't know what to do with ya girls!

*without I meant :P whoopsie :)

While I admit that I'm normally not in favor of abortion, sometimes you need to put yourself in other people's shoes.

When I read your first post Sashak, I could honestly feel the human being behind the words. I could tell you were in a difficult situation, and that you wholeheartedly needed our support.

Now that you've finally decided what's best at this moment in your life, you need alot of love, support, and understanding.

I sincerely hope that from now on, everything goes well for you Sashak. I also wish you and your boyfriend(he sounds like a super guy) the best. :)

ITA w/this. I think you need to seek help from a health care professional.
I have to agree with this. I must tell you this also it is a hard decision to make and do what you feel is best for you.

I don't think this was the right choice. Abortion is death and there are so many more options out there, such as adoption, other family members taking care of it (until the mother can get a better paying job) or the father taking care of it, etc. It is much more selfish to abort a baby because someone doesn't want it than to let it live a life with people who will love it and take care of it.

I don't think this was the right choice. Abortion is death and there are so many more options out there, such as adoption, other family members taking care of it (until the mother can get a better paying job) or the father taking care of it, etc. It is much more selfish to abort a baby because someone doesn't want it than to let it live a life with people who will love it and take care of it.

well I guess it's a good thing it wasn't your choice to make then isn't it...

well I guess it's a good thing it wasn't your choice to make then isn't it...

Seriously. Some people. :rolleyes:

Eating a cheeseburger is death too. Cows are God's children too. I think it is easy for some people to judge when they are not in that position. But I don't think God looks kindly on the cold hearted.

Edited because I want to make myself clear. I am not attacking Sashak in any way. I am here to support her. I am just opposed to those who would try and hurt her.

To those who are against the abortion: She just made a really hard decision and you coming here and trying to make her feel guilty is uncalled for. I'm sure she's smart enough to know all the options she had. Let her be.

Again, thank you, I'm doing alot better, I don't have any regrets. I'm still trying to get my life together, (go back to school, and look for a job) taking a break from men. So again, greatly appreciate your supports.
RayRay- you're a sweetheart.

I don't think Empyrean Angel was trying to judge. She was just stating her opinion like everyone else on here... If someone feels offended or hurt then maybe that says something about their decision or thinking...

Eating a cheeseburger is death too. Cows are God's children too. I think it is easy for some people to judge when they are not in that position. But I don't think God looks kindly on the cold hearted.

Edited because I want to make myself clear. I am not attacking Sashak in any way. I am here to support her. I am just opposed to those who would try and hurt her.

God first created animals to be taken care of and not eaten. Due to sin God said it was ok (which was after the flood)... You think God looked kindly on sodom and gomorrah? Fyi, this country is turning into sodom and gomorrah and if you read revelation you will know what will happen to this earth due to sin... Read your bible... You can call me judgmental but I'm calling it as it is (which is biblically ok).

http://www.technoskop.de/_img/2006/baby-burger-kostuem.jpg

That is if you believe there is a god...personally I think it's silliness and fairy tales!;) Why is this being turned into a religious issue, maybe she doesn't even believe there is a god? I certainly do not! So for someone to tell me not to have an abortion because of something the bible says is just totally laughable to me! That's my 2 cents!

That is if you believe there is a god...personally I think it's silliness and fairy tales!;) Why is this being turned into a religious issue, maybe she doesn't even believe there is a god? I certainly do not! So for someone to tell me not to have an abortion because of something the bible says is just totally laughable to me! That's my 2 cents!

Exactly! While I do believe in a higher power, I don't believe in all the dogma and human concocted b.s. that has been justified in 'the name of God' (namely organized religion). Thus any argument which is based on religious or biblical ground, I consider worthless. Show me some unbiased scientific studies or intelligent philosophical arguments that are not based off of an old storybook and then I will at least consider your viewpoint!

LOL! Oh that picture of the baby in the giant cheeseburger is absolutely hilarious!

I admit that I'm also a usually very judgemental person, but like I already said earlier, we have to put ourselves in other people's shoes at times. We can't force our beliefs on others, just like we wouldn't want them to force theirs on us.

I'm glad to hear that you're doing good Sashak, and that you're making plans to go back to school and find a new job. Best of luck to you :)

God first created animals to be taken care of and not eaten. Due to sin God said it was ok (which was after the flood)... You think God looked kindly on sodom and gomorrah? Fyi, this country is turning into sodom and gomorrah and if you read revelation you will know what will happen to this earth due to sin... Read your bible... You can call me judgmental but I'm calling it as it is (which is biblically ok).

Ok, it's really hard to take you seriously when you're ranting about the world falling apart due to "sin". The truth is that not everyone believes what you do, and you do not have the right to try to shove it down their throats, especially here. This isn't a religious discussion forum.

Sashak started this thread because she wanted advice and support. She made the decision that was right for her and her life, and you're being incredibly rude to her. No one has the right to judge her, even if they do think they have the bible on their side. Besides, didn't Jesus teach people not to judge others? :rolleyes:

[quote=SkyandLinen;142079]I don't think Empyrean Angel was trying to judge. She was just stating her opinion like everyone else on here... If someone feels offended or hurt then maybe that says something about their decision or thinking...



God first created animals to be taken care of and not eaten. Due to sin God said it was ok (which was after the flood)... You think God looked kindly on sodom and gomorrah? Fyi, this country is turning into sodom and gomorrah and if you read revelation you will know what will happen to this earth due to sin... Read your bible... You can call me judgmental but I'm calling it as it is (which is biblically ok).

http://www.technoskop.de/_img/2006/baby-burger-kostuem.jpg[/quote

Calling yourself a Christian, doesn't give you a license to judge. I do read my bible, sweetie. And I also eat my cheeseburgers too.

And this topic was never about asking about opinions in the first place, it was asking for support. And Sashak, you have mine.

I think you made the right decision. You knew what you have now and you know you want to give the baby something better. It's not like you don't want kids, it's just that you feel that you don't have the means to give it all that it deserves. And on top of that, you need to be healthy for your child.

I just want to come in and give a big w-t-f to the person that posted a pic of a cheeseburger baby....seriously? Was there a point in all that? It also seems a little fishy that two new members are coming in to stir up trouble, one defending the other. Someone may need a hobby!

sashak - I am glad to hear that you're doing well. You seem to have made the right decision for you and now you will have many things to look forward to, like a new job!

*hugs for Sashak*

and I totally agree, SOMEONE needs a hobby...

:) I'm amazed by how supportive most of you ladies are. I can not thank you enough.
Thank you "Thewomanmonster" lol you're awesome

I just want to come in and give a big w-t-f to the person that posted a pic of a cheeseburger baby....seriously? Was there a point in all that? It also seems a little fishy that two new members are coming in to stir up trouble, one defending the other. Someone may need a hobby!

sashak - I am glad to hear that you're doing well. You seem to have made the right decision for you and now you will have many things to look forward to, like a new job!

I was thinking exactly the same thing about junior members having all the negative opinions!

Seriously though, having an abortion isn't an easy option.... ever. It's about more than about being attached or single, or from financial perspectives. A lot of things need to be considered, and the decision to have an abortion can only be determined right or wrong by the person it directly affects most. This debate will always be around, and people should stick firm to their opinions, but be considerate and show respect to others facing such a situation, because you are not them.

I used to be seriously religious. Hardcore Southern Baptist, through and through.

And I was f***ing miserable. I don't let religion run my life nowadays. It's OK with me if other people do; that's their business. It's just not for me. One of my favorite quotes:
"We gaze up at the same stars, the sky covers us all, the same universe encompasses us. What does it matter what practical system we adopt in our search for the truth? Not by one avenue alone can we arrive at so tremendous a secret."
Symmachus
384 C.E.

If I were in the same position as Sashak I'd probably do the same thing.

Seriously though, having an abortion isn't an easy option.... ever. It's about more than about being attached or single, or from financial perspectives. A lot of things need to be considered, and the decision to have an abortion can only be determined right or wrong by the person it directly affects most. This debate will always be around, and people should stick firm to their opinions, but be considerate and show respect to others facing such a situation, because you are not them.

Amen, sister ;). So very well put.

Since this is obviously getting off topic, I'm going to close this thread before it gets even more out of hand. Of course we do appreciate people's opinions around here, but abortion is a heated topic and too likely to get out of control. Since it's all said and done with anyways, there's no need to debate this any longer.