My ex and I are seriously talking about getting back together. It has been almost a year since we split up, and I still have feelings for him. I have many concerns to address with him, but first and foremost is his ex GF. She is his best friend (with benefits, too) - they'd known each other for years before they began dating. He and I were in a long-distance relationship before I moved to be with him, and during that time, he and his ex slept together several times. After we split up, he went back to her for sex. They may still be hooking up, but I'm not 100% sure. I do know that she still buys him things, takes him out to eat, pays for his monthly subscription to one of his online games, and so on. So I think he feels beholden to her for that. As far as I know, she is not dating anyone now.
I want to tell my ex that, if we were to get back together, he has to give her up for good. I can't trust the two of them, even just as friends. Do I have the right to do that? I also want to know if they're still sleeping together, but I know he'll say he can do whatever he wants since he's not in a relationship. Evidently the thought of getting back with me doesn't count :(
I'm so confused. I don't know how to tell him he has to give her up if he truly wants to be with me. But it's a deal-breaker for me. If he won't give her up, I can't be with him. But at the same time, if we're supposed to be "starting over," does all this past stuff matter? I just don't know :confused:

IMHO if he really wanted you back, he'd be willing to do what it takes to get you back. I was in a situation were my husband (not married at the time) was still carrying on a relationship(not sexual) with his EX gf. This was not going to continue if I was going to stick around. I ain't gonna share with anyone!!!!:mad: So he stopped his carrying on with the ex as soon as I said "it's either her or me...your choice, but I'm not going to be second best here!"

Also remember that someone's past actions are the best predictor of their future actions. I'd say that red flags are waving everywhere!!! I mean you say they are still seeing eachother so why wouldn't they still be having "benefits"?:eek: My opinion is she ain't goin' no where!:rolleyes: Besides I wouldn't go back with someone that cheated on me-EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I think you should be set whatever terms you feel comfortable with for the relationships, and to be honest I feel their friendship seems pretty sketchy and I'm normally super laid back about that stuff. Especially the fact he slept with her while you were dating would bother me constantly.

I would definitely tell him to tone down his friendship with her significantly or you have no interest in getting back together. That isn't jealous or paranoid, as long as he knows it up front. I think it is important to get you way with this issue (and there isn't anything wrong with that!), or there is going to be constant trust issues down the line. Put your emotional wellbeing and feelings first.

Considering their past history, I don't think it's unfair to tell him that it's her or you. They slept together while you were dating... if the fact that you two were together didn't stop him/them, it's not going to stop them again if you get back together. I'm not the jealous or paranoid type, but even I would put my foot down about that. I don't mind a boyfriend being friends with an ex, but I think it's different when they have a sexual history, especially a history of hooking up once they've split. Just personally, I agree with ILYF, that if he wanted to get back together with you, he'd do whatever it takes, instead of saying he can do whatever he wants since he isn't in a relationship. Apparently he does whatever he wants regardless. I just don't like the sound of this guy... I know you've posted about him before in the past, and it doesn't sound like much has changed. I just think you deserve so much more. Just my two cents, please don't take offense, k? :)

I am sorry you still have feelings for this guy, but personally if it were me I would cut my losses, not that the losses are great, no offense. I promise you there are other men out there worthy of you, why bother trying to change someone who behaves like this? I believe you will just get your heart broken again, so what's the use? Guard and protect your heart, because I don't think he will, nor do I think he truly respects you. Please don't be upset, but this is what I really think since you did ask. I wish you all the love and luck in the world with someone who appreciates you for you.:)

This will probably sound a bit harsh.
So let me start by saying I don't think you're being overly jealous or paranoid at all given his past behaviour.

If I were in that situation feelings for him or not I'd tell him to f-off.

He has NO class if he cheated on you while the two of you were apart.
I'd move on and find someone worth your time who will give you the respect you deserve.


Sometimes all you need is an honest opinion.
Good luck sweets with whatever you decide.

I haven't broached the subject with him yet, mostly because I'm afraid of his reaction. I honestly don't believe I will end up with him, I know I can do waaaay better than him. I guess I just wanna know what he would do for me. He has no willpower, so I'm about 90% sure he won't give her up permanently.
Ugh, men :rolleyes:

I haven't broached the subject with him yet, mostly because I'm afraid of his reaction. I honestly don't believe I will end up with him, I know I can do waaaay better than him. I guess I just wanna know what he would do for me. He has no willpower, so I'm about 90% sure he won't give her up permanently.
Ugh, men :rolleyes:


I know you can do WAAAAAY better than him too.
I wouldn't even care what he says he'll do, given his track record he'd just be lieing about it anyways.

Took me a long time to find a man worth my time, and when I did we got married.

I would walk away from this. The fact that she's paying for his things and they still have the benefits is all the proof you need that they still have a relationship going on, even if they are not calling it that. It sounds like he wants his cake and eat it too. I would have a huge problem with something like this and couldn't trust him. There are men out there more worthy of your attention, I say cut your losses and find something better. Don't put yourself through the potential hurt and doubt this would cause.

IF he does cut her out of his life there is no guarantee she wont stay out of his life cos she has done lots to make sure she is still in the picture. It sounds like he is playing her so I would never trust him anyways. You can do so much better.

I agree with everyone else, don't even consider getting back together with him, its not worth it. If he truly cared about you in the first place, he would never have cheated on you. Its never a good situation when your guy is closer to another girl than you. You deserve better than that.

I have to agree, if you're having doubts already I'd say move on. I know it can be really hard and it's so easy to go with the familiar but you deserve better.

And yeah, I wouldn't want a guy I was with to reamin friendly with someone he had a sexual relationship with (well, THAT kind of sexual relationship, I do think in some situations people can realize they had a better friendship than romance) because the temptation would always be there but, honestly if you can't trust him with her you just can't trust him at all, temptation will be there with other women too. Removing this particular woman won't remove the problem. You also have to consider that he might resent you for making demands on who he can/can't be friends with.